Last night, much to my horror, I discovered another centipede in my bedroom. What the #&@%. For real. Satan’s warrior was up on the wall by the bedroom door. Thank God it wasn’t by my bed again…that would have made me suicidal.
The centipede froze in place on the wall. I am pretty sure it was surprised to see me. I don’t think it expected me to come home when I did. Centipedes may be smart, but they don’t adapt well when their plan fails them. Centipedes do not have a “Plan B”. So I quickly grabbed the vacuum and sucked it up off the wall. I then thought I should go out to the dumpster and empty the vacuum’s canister. But, as luck would have it…it was dark out and that would mean that the raccoons would be out as well. It was like really bad déjà vu all over again. This is exactly what happened with the first centipede! So then I thought well since I am not in the mood to be mauled by raccoons, I could just put the canister in a plastic bag and tie it shut for the night. As I was about to pull off the canister I thought to myself “What if there are more centipedes tonight? Can I get the canister back on the vacuum fast enough to catch them?”. I figured that I probably wouldn’t be able to get it back together fast enough in the moment of stress. So I just vacuumed the floor three times throughout the night to make sure it was dead.
For the rest of the night I did sneak attacks to check and see if there were any more centipedes lurking about. The sneak attack is when I get as far into the dark room as possible with my finger still on the light switch. I then flip the switch on and yell “AH HA!” and look around the room quickly to see if I see any centipedes making a run for it. There was a two hour stretch where I did a sneak attack about every 10 minutes. I was more than a little obsessed with it. After many sneak attacks that turned up empty handed I had the bright idea to check behind my bed. If I was a centipede waiting for the opportunity to attack, I would hide behind the bed. Sneaky. So I moved the bed out a little ways from the wall and then I popped up and yelled “AH HA!” and I hit my chin really freakin’ hard on the headboard. I now have a massive bruise on my chin and it hurts like hell. Ouch. Seriously. I hate centipedes even more now that I have suffered a near fatal injury. Good thing I don’t have any modeling gigs today (not that I have ever had a modeling gig in my entire life, but still…) because there is not enough make up and photo shop skills to cover up the damage done to my chin.
Well, I never found another centipede last night, but the paranoia was in full rage nonetheless. I slept with the vacuum next to my bed and I had a flashlight on my nightstand. As I was lying there with my tools for centipede hunting I thought…this is just like the scene in the previews for the new Will Smith movie “I Am Legend” where he is laying the bathtub sleeping with his dog and shotgun. As I feel asleep I thought…”I really am Legend”.
I slept like a crack whore needing a fix. Which is not good. I was up every few minutes, darting around the room and the crashing again. I think tonight I might have to pull a Liza Minnelli and do a little self-medicating to get through the night. I’ll have to score a few pills from some kids down the road at the elementary school and then hit the liquor store. I am flippin’ tired!
Centipedes be warned. I will kill you all. I hate you. If I had my way, Earth would be centipede free. I feel myself slipping into diabolical madness. Help.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
I'm an Elf!
http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9618235403
Click on the link to see me as a dancing elf with Dolly Parton, Carrie Underwood, Jessica Simpson.
And yes...it is a very slow day at work today.
Monday, November 26, 2007
The Ladies of the Traffic Department.
This is a video of my co-workers in the traffic department. These ladies crack me up big time. They are a riot. Enjoy.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Thanksgiving: Just like planes, trains and automobiles.
Well, another Thanksgiving has come and gone. This year the family took the easy way out and just went to a Thanksgiving Day buffet. Completely the way to go…no mess, no fuss, no dishes (God, I hate doing dishes!). Besides, since the death of my mom, it’s never been the same since. Just another day. So this year we went to some little corner restaurant/bar in a small town outside of St. Cloud. I don’t’ remember the name of the town…it started with a “D” though…that much I do remember. Dulham, maybe? Maybe not. Anyway…it reminded me of a scene out of some sort of movie or a Lifetime channel TV special. The men were at the bar talking and playing the video games, the women were off at a table talking up a storm and the kids were running around. It made me think of the movie “Gremlins” or any one of the movies in the genre of “local boy moves away and returns to town to reconnect with his past and confront his personal demons and finds love when he least expected it”. It was nice actually. Everyone got along and there was no fighting…which is rare, very rare.
But, getting to my sister’s was another story. I had planned on going up north on Wednesday night, but at the last minute I got lazy and decided I would go in the morning. When I woke up it was snowing quite a bit where I live…enough to cover the all the grass and roads and the car had to be brushed off. I was actually brushing off my car when one of my neighbors came up to me and asked me to loan her my brush and ice scraper. Fine no big deal. But, then she stuck out her hand. I guess the fact that I was in the middle of cleaning off my own car was not important to her and that her needs were greater than my own, despite the fact that she is a complete and total stranger to me. I handed over my brush and just stared her down in a passive aggressive manner. After all, it is the holiday season…who am I to be rude? It’s a good thing I am done with the steroids for my laryngitis though otherwise I would probably be in jail in right for another episode of roid rage. Thank God for small miracles.
Once I got on the freeway it was like a flipping blizzard at times…the snow would come down so hard and fast I couldn’t see anything and all the cars would slow down to a creep and then it would clear and we would all put the pedal to the metal and gun it until the next mini-blizzard would hit. Finally I got off 394 and was heading north on 494 and traffic came to stop again. After barely moving for 20 minutes I started to debate if the Thanksgiving buffet was worth all the aggravation. Finally traffic broke free. No accident, no roadwork, no nothing. I have no idea why it was so clogged up. I filled up on gas in Maple Grove and hit 94. Well, much to my anger, 94 was now at a complete and total dead stop. So I made the first exit I could and just snaked my way to Highway 10. I was on the phone with my sister while she was looking at a map to try and figure out where I was and what I needed to take to get to Highway 10. Once I finally made it onto 10, I was stopped yet again because someone’s car broke down at the stop light. Let me tell you this…darting into the other traffic lane while the one you are in is at a dead stop is D-A-N-G-E-R-O-U-S. One would think the cars in the other lane would slow down, but no, I think they actually sped up. After seeing two other cars almost get smashed into, I decided to go in the other direction and exit the stalled lane via the turn lane. Yes, I am brilliant. After another few minutes I was finally back on track and headed up north. Thankfully I had Paula on the phone to keep me company.
What a pain the ass that trip was. No lie.
Next year I will totally go up the night before and just stick to the original plan.
STICK. WITH. THE. PLAN.
But, getting to my sister’s was another story. I had planned on going up north on Wednesday night, but at the last minute I got lazy and decided I would go in the morning. When I woke up it was snowing quite a bit where I live…enough to cover the all the grass and roads and the car had to be brushed off. I was actually brushing off my car when one of my neighbors came up to me and asked me to loan her my brush and ice scraper. Fine no big deal. But, then she stuck out her hand. I guess the fact that I was in the middle of cleaning off my own car was not important to her and that her needs were greater than my own, despite the fact that she is a complete and total stranger to me. I handed over my brush and just stared her down in a passive aggressive manner. After all, it is the holiday season…who am I to be rude? It’s a good thing I am done with the steroids for my laryngitis though otherwise I would probably be in jail in right for another episode of roid rage. Thank God for small miracles.
Once I got on the freeway it was like a flipping blizzard at times…the snow would come down so hard and fast I couldn’t see anything and all the cars would slow down to a creep and then it would clear and we would all put the pedal to the metal and gun it until the next mini-blizzard would hit. Finally I got off 394 and was heading north on 494 and traffic came to stop again. After barely moving for 20 minutes I started to debate if the Thanksgiving buffet was worth all the aggravation. Finally traffic broke free. No accident, no roadwork, no nothing. I have no idea why it was so clogged up. I filled up on gas in Maple Grove and hit 94. Well, much to my anger, 94 was now at a complete and total dead stop. So I made the first exit I could and just snaked my way to Highway 10. I was on the phone with my sister while she was looking at a map to try and figure out where I was and what I needed to take to get to Highway 10. Once I finally made it onto 10, I was stopped yet again because someone’s car broke down at the stop light. Let me tell you this…darting into the other traffic lane while the one you are in is at a dead stop is D-A-N-G-E-R-O-U-S. One would think the cars in the other lane would slow down, but no, I think they actually sped up. After seeing two other cars almost get smashed into, I decided to go in the other direction and exit the stalled lane via the turn lane. Yes, I am brilliant. After another few minutes I was finally back on track and headed up north. Thankfully I had Paula on the phone to keep me company.
What a pain the ass that trip was. No lie.
Next year I will totally go up the night before and just stick to the original plan.
STICK. WITH. THE. PLAN.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
The Wrong Princess. Baby Rage Proof.
Here it is. The remains of baby rage over my drawing the wrong princess. I was in the middle of coloring in the dress when Isabella struck. The heart shaped top on the dress was the trigger for the baby rage. Who knew Isabella hated heart shaped dress tops? Not me! You can see the wrinkles in the paper from where she crumpled it up, then flattened it out and scribbled in orange crayon to teach me a lesson. Up in the corner you can see the brown circles she drew to show me how to draw curls. Make note...that is the correct way to draw "curls" for the hair, not the way I did it.
Lesson learned. NEVER draw a princess with a 4 year old girl.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
The Boy Ain't Right
"The Boy Ain't Right" November 17, 2007Is my name really that hard to spell? For real? The Bastards!
Saturday night I had my stand up comedy show “The Boy Ain’t Right” back in my hometown. It was a riot. I had so much fun. The vast majority of the show was new material so I was a little nervous about that, but I had no reason to worry…the audience had a blast.
Slowly but surely my life is starting to become very Kathy Griffin-esque. I felt like I was in an episode of “My Life on the D-List”. First off, I was bumped out of the main room because of a birthday party. So I had to perform in the dining room. Now this supper club is more than a little run down. The wall paper is peeling off the walls, the carpet is beyond stained, the tables and chairs are broken. It’s pretty much grossalicious. Since I was bumped out of the regular room due to the birthday party they had a little chunk of a stage for me to stand on, a home stereo system (you know the kind with the detachable speakers) with a microphone plugged into it, and no lighting. It was awesome.
The best or worst part, depending on how much of a sense of humor you have, was the fact that they misspelled my name on the sign in the parking lot. Whatever.
I started the show by saying…
“I have two questions. First off, who the f*ck is Sherry?”
And people died.
Someone yelled out “It’s her birthday, she’s 40 today” to which I replied “I don’t give a shit. I get top billing around here. Did any of you pay to see Sherry? I hate her. Sherry can kiss my ass. In fact, get up everyone…we are going back there to tell her that.”
Then I launched into a bit about how my name was misspelled and that usually people just drop one of the “M” but this was the first time I had ever seen it be replaced by an “L” and then some riffs about how I am not taking any shit from them tonight and that from now on I am taking my gigs elsewhere.
And the show started off with a bang. It really was a lot of fun. There was a ton of interaction with the audience and everything flowed well and I was pretty relaxed. I wish every show was like that. Good times.
I did some video of it with my Flip video recorder. When (and by when, I do mean IF) I figure out how to download video and post it on the blog I will. There were some really funny people in the audience.
Monday, November 19, 2007
What Happened?
Well…I seem to be missing a week of my life. I don’t remember really anything that happened last week, so I can’t blog about it.
How weird.
Was I abducted by aliens? That would explain why I was covered in goo when I woke up in that dark alley in the dead of night.
Did I have amnesia? Well, that would explain why people are coming up to me and talking to me like we are old friends but I have no memory of them.
Was I in jail? If that’s the case, then the cryptic tattoo on my arm would make perfect sense.
Hummm…it’s a mystery.
But, don’t fear, I am back.
(Honestly though…I really don’t remember much of last week. It must have been a really boring week in my life. Wow. That’s really sad and pathetic.)
How weird.
Was I abducted by aliens? That would explain why I was covered in goo when I woke up in that dark alley in the dead of night.
Did I have amnesia? Well, that would explain why people are coming up to me and talking to me like we are old friends but I have no memory of them.
Was I in jail? If that’s the case, then the cryptic tattoo on my arm would make perfect sense.
Hummm…it’s a mystery.
But, don’t fear, I am back.
(Honestly though…I really don’t remember much of last week. It must have been a really boring week in my life. Wow. That’s really sad and pathetic.)
Saturday, November 10, 2007
The Wrong Princess.
I spent the day babysitting Isabella. Melissa and Richard wanted to do some shopping at the mall, so they dropped her off since she can be quite a terror when she gets tired. There truly is no negotiating with a four year old. They are about as rational as a terrorist. Ugh.
Isabella and I had a blast though. She was perfect for the most part. We only had a couple of tense moments such as when I drew the wrong kind of princess for her. I guess she is rather particular as to how she wants princesses drawn. Who knew? Took me by surprise as she flipped out with the crayon. Talk about baby rage. Wow. I drew the wrong kind of top on the dress and the hair was all wrong. She grabbed the picture and took an orange crayon and scribbled all over it saying that she hated it. I sat on the couch wide eyed thinking to myself “what the hell just happened?”. I am sure Isabella’s hissy fit could have given Whitney Houston a run for her money when she is looking for her crack pipe. Isabella then calmly gave me a lesson on how to properly draw curly hair. Good times. Ugh.
Once we were done coloring we were back on track to having fun. We watched some TV, played some computer games, did two puzzles, built some towers with her giant legos, and ate a ton of cookies. When Melissa and Richard came to pick her up she cried because she didn’t want to go home and that she wanted to spend the night at my place. I guess she had a great day with me, despite my lack of coloring skills. Next time she comes and visits we will just leave the crayola’s in the box and not run the risk of another incident.
I am keeping the picture though of the princess that she scribbled over. I figure it will make a nice graduation or wedding gift someday down the road. It will come back to haunt her. Trust me on that. No one scribbles on my princess pictures. No one.
Wanda Sykes last night was incredible. It was so much fun. She was in top form and did a ton of new material.
Getting there was another story. I got directions from one of my co-workers and they were pretty dead on except for one crucial turn. She gave me the local street name and not the highway name so we missed the turn and had to backtrack. The street name she gave me was only on the little green sesame street sign at the top of the exit ramp. Completely and totally out of view from the highway. It was beyond dumb. Not to mention this casino is out in the middle of nowhere. Talk about creepy. I kept waiting to hear the dueling banjos from the movie “Deliverance”. So Lesli and I got there about 5 minutes before the show started. But we had awesome seats in the 3 row on the aisle.
The opening comic was ok. He was pretty angry and insulted the crowd quite a bit. Which I always think is pretty weak humor. After awhile the crowd started to turn on him and began chanting “Wanda” over and over which only made him angrier. I was glad when he left the stage.
Wanda was on fire though. You could see the moments of comedic inspiration hit and she just went with it. It was great. If you get a chance to see her perform…do it.
Now I am off to bed. I just realized I never left the apartment today. Weird. I feel like a hermit.
Isabella and I had a blast though. She was perfect for the most part. We only had a couple of tense moments such as when I drew the wrong kind of princess for her. I guess she is rather particular as to how she wants princesses drawn. Who knew? Took me by surprise as she flipped out with the crayon. Talk about baby rage. Wow. I drew the wrong kind of top on the dress and the hair was all wrong. She grabbed the picture and took an orange crayon and scribbled all over it saying that she hated it. I sat on the couch wide eyed thinking to myself “what the hell just happened?”. I am sure Isabella’s hissy fit could have given Whitney Houston a run for her money when she is looking for her crack pipe. Isabella then calmly gave me a lesson on how to properly draw curly hair. Good times. Ugh.
Once we were done coloring we were back on track to having fun. We watched some TV, played some computer games, did two puzzles, built some towers with her giant legos, and ate a ton of cookies. When Melissa and Richard came to pick her up she cried because she didn’t want to go home and that she wanted to spend the night at my place. I guess she had a great day with me, despite my lack of coloring skills. Next time she comes and visits we will just leave the crayola’s in the box and not run the risk of another incident.
I am keeping the picture though of the princess that she scribbled over. I figure it will make a nice graduation or wedding gift someday down the road. It will come back to haunt her. Trust me on that. No one scribbles on my princess pictures. No one.
Wanda Sykes last night was incredible. It was so much fun. She was in top form and did a ton of new material.
Getting there was another story. I got directions from one of my co-workers and they were pretty dead on except for one crucial turn. She gave me the local street name and not the highway name so we missed the turn and had to backtrack. The street name she gave me was only on the little green sesame street sign at the top of the exit ramp. Completely and totally out of view from the highway. It was beyond dumb. Not to mention this casino is out in the middle of nowhere. Talk about creepy. I kept waiting to hear the dueling banjos from the movie “Deliverance”. So Lesli and I got there about 5 minutes before the show started. But we had awesome seats in the 3 row on the aisle.
The opening comic was ok. He was pretty angry and insulted the crowd quite a bit. Which I always think is pretty weak humor. After awhile the crowd started to turn on him and began chanting “Wanda” over and over which only made him angrier. I was glad when he left the stage.
Wanda was on fire though. You could see the moments of comedic inspiration hit and she just went with it. It was great. If you get a chance to see her perform…do it.
Now I am off to bed. I just realized I never left the apartment today. Weird. I feel like a hermit.
Friday, November 09, 2007
Real Snow
This morning when I went out to the car to go to work I stopped dead in my tracks in the doorway. It was snowing. Not just a little bit of snow, but actual real snow. As in winter snow. It feels way too early in the season to have snow, but apparently what I think or feel has no weight with Mother Nature.
I also had to scrape the car windows. Cripes.
I am not ready for winter. I am still struggling with the time change.
“Ugly Betty” was fantastic last night. Special appearance by Posh Spice. Awesome. It was, and I quote “Major!”. If you don’t watch this show…come on and get on board. You will like it, trust me.
Tonight my friend Lesli and I are going down to Treasure Island Casino for the Wanda Sykes show. I can’t wait. I think Wanda is hilarious and I have never seen her live before so this will be a riot.
Well, back to work. This job is a test from God today. I would say more but I think some of my co-workers read this blog. I will have to come up with a creative set of code words so they don’t catch on. Let me know if you have any suggestions. Hummm…
I also had to scrape the car windows. Cripes.
I am not ready for winter. I am still struggling with the time change.
“Ugly Betty” was fantastic last night. Special appearance by Posh Spice. Awesome. It was, and I quote “Major!”. If you don’t watch this show…come on and get on board. You will like it, trust me.
Tonight my friend Lesli and I are going down to Treasure Island Casino for the Wanda Sykes show. I can’t wait. I think Wanda is hilarious and I have never seen her live before so this will be a riot.
Well, back to work. This job is a test from God today. I would say more but I think some of my co-workers read this blog. I will have to come up with a creative set of code words so they don’t catch on. Let me know if you have any suggestions. Hummm…
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Rage and Tori
Yesterday certainly turned out to be an interesting day overall.
I ended up getting a prescription for my laryngitis. I was put on steroids which will hopefully restore my voice in some capacity. Which makes me want to do back flips! After completely losing my voice and not being able to speak at all I have a whole new appreciation for Ariel the Little Mermaid and what she went through. It’s a massive pain in the ass.
So I am now taking the same steroids that I took this summer when I was so sick after the cruise. You remember, right? The ones that make me freakin’ hungry as hell and a little bit crazy. Awesome. At least I know what I am in for this time around. Let the pill popping begin!
Now when I went to get the prescription at Target Pharmacy there was a show down of epic proportions. I went to pick it up and I was told that the prescription wasn’t in the system and they had no record of it. This happened the last time I went to get my other medication and it turned out that no one had ever bothered to check the doctor call in phone line. So I went apeshit. Completely and totally apeshit on the pharmacy department. I looked at the workers and I yelled “I may not be able to talk, but you will hear me…so help me God” and away I went on the express train to Crazyville. They just stood there like deer in the headlights and I ranted and raved like a freakin’ lunatic. I thought they were going to call security to remove me from the store. I was unhinged to say the least.
So after the debacle at Target I headed over to St. Paul to pick up Becca for the Tori Amos concert. It was Becca’s birthday. Happy Birthday Becca!
The opening act blew chunks. I thought he was terrible. HORRIBLE. His name was Yakov or Crack Smoker or Complete Waste Of Time or something along those lines. Did I mention I hated him? I do. I think he is everything that is wrong with music today. No lie.
Tori was fantastic though. She had a really interesting song list for the show. She pulled out some pretty odd choices, but it was good. It’s fun to hear songs sometimes that you never thought you would hear in concert. But, I was very disappointed to not hear “Bouncing Off Clouds”…I love that song and she’s been playing it at almost all the shows so far. DAMMIT! But, it was awesome to hear “Hey Jupiter”. I have loved that song since the first time I heard it years and years ago.
Tori’s scenic design was AMAZING. It was so visually stunning that she could have played “SexyBack” on the pan flute and it would have been art. She had these scrims hanging that changed colors and designs with the lights. Whoever did the scenic design for this tour needs to win a huge award now. It was truly beautiful to look at.
What a weird Wednesday overall. When you wake up in the morning you never quite know what is in store for you, do you?
I ended up getting a prescription for my laryngitis. I was put on steroids which will hopefully restore my voice in some capacity. Which makes me want to do back flips! After completely losing my voice and not being able to speak at all I have a whole new appreciation for Ariel the Little Mermaid and what she went through. It’s a massive pain in the ass.
So I am now taking the same steroids that I took this summer when I was so sick after the cruise. You remember, right? The ones that make me freakin’ hungry as hell and a little bit crazy. Awesome. At least I know what I am in for this time around. Let the pill popping begin!
Now when I went to get the prescription at Target Pharmacy there was a show down of epic proportions. I went to pick it up and I was told that the prescription wasn’t in the system and they had no record of it. This happened the last time I went to get my other medication and it turned out that no one had ever bothered to check the doctor call in phone line. So I went apeshit. Completely and totally apeshit on the pharmacy department. I looked at the workers and I yelled “I may not be able to talk, but you will hear me…so help me God” and away I went on the express train to Crazyville. They just stood there like deer in the headlights and I ranted and raved like a freakin’ lunatic. I thought they were going to call security to remove me from the store. I was unhinged to say the least.
So after the debacle at Target I headed over to St. Paul to pick up Becca for the Tori Amos concert. It was Becca’s birthday. Happy Birthday Becca!
The opening act blew chunks. I thought he was terrible. HORRIBLE. His name was Yakov or Crack Smoker or Complete Waste Of Time or something along those lines. Did I mention I hated him? I do. I think he is everything that is wrong with music today. No lie.
Tori was fantastic though. She had a really interesting song list for the show. She pulled out some pretty odd choices, but it was good. It’s fun to hear songs sometimes that you never thought you would hear in concert. But, I was very disappointed to not hear “Bouncing Off Clouds”…I love that song and she’s been playing it at almost all the shows so far. DAMMIT! But, it was awesome to hear “Hey Jupiter”. I have loved that song since the first time I heard it years and years ago.
Tori’s scenic design was AMAZING. It was so visually stunning that she could have played “SexyBack” on the pan flute and it would have been art. She had these scrims hanging that changed colors and designs with the lights. Whoever did the scenic design for this tour needs to win a huge award now. It was truly beautiful to look at.
What a weird Wednesday overall. When you wake up in the morning you never quite know what is in store for you, do you?
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
from a scream to a whisper to silence
Dolly Parton in the K102 Studio during a commerical break.Ok, I thought my voice was bad yesterday and I doubted that it could get worse. I was wrong. It is completely gone now. I can pretty much only squeak and grunt. Awesome. Not much different though than a typical Saturday night…only I’m not laying in a dark alley surrounded by beer bottles wondering where my pants are. I joke. I always know where my pants are. They are usually on the dumpster where I left them. Anyways…
I called out sick at work. There is no way I can sit at the front desk and answer the phone. On the phone I could hardly tell my boss that I can’t talk. All he kept saying what “what?” “What?” So I said forget it and that I would just email him.
It’s been a pretty low key day so far. Just laying on the couch and not talking to anyone. I watched “Days of our Lives” for the first time in months. Well, not much has changed in Salem. Just the same old people sleeping with different people and betraying the people they were sleeping with when I saw it months ago. Just like real life, huh?
Anyways…nothing new to report. I am going to go take a nap. Tonight is the Tori Amos concert and come hell or high water I am going. I won’t be cheering or yelling. I will just be sitting there quietly…well, I will clap loudly I guess.
I “heart” Tori.
By the way…great Dolly picture huh? I took it myself. A little behind the scenes glimpse into “The Dolly Experience 2007”. Awesome.
I called out sick at work. There is no way I can sit at the front desk and answer the phone. On the phone I could hardly tell my boss that I can’t talk. All he kept saying what “what?” “What?” So I said forget it and that I would just email him.
It’s been a pretty low key day so far. Just laying on the couch and not talking to anyone. I watched “Days of our Lives” for the first time in months. Well, not much has changed in Salem. Just the same old people sleeping with different people and betraying the people they were sleeping with when I saw it months ago. Just like real life, huh?
Anyways…nothing new to report. I am going to go take a nap. Tonight is the Tori Amos concert and come hell or high water I am going. I won’t be cheering or yelling. I will just be sitting there quietly…well, I will clap loudly I guess.
I “heart” Tori.
By the way…great Dolly picture huh? I took it myself. A little behind the scenes glimpse into “The Dolly Experience 2007”. Awesome.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Silence
My voice is history. Gone. Zip. Zelch. Nada. I can hardly say a word. I am not joking or exaggerating.
In honor of my losing my voice I will just have a blog of silence.
Begin.
End.
Thank you.
In honor of my losing my voice I will just have a blog of silence.
Begin.
End.
Thank you.
Monday, November 05, 2007
First Snow Flakes
This morning we had the first snow flakes of the season. Ugh. Once it starts there is no turning back. I cannot believe how quickly this year has gone. It’s a blur…really, truly, completely. Whoosh, it’s almost gone.
The time change this weekend is kicking my ass. It’s amazing how much of a change just an hour is. While it was fantastic to sleep for an extra hour the downside is clearly that it’s dark out so early now. It’s already black out and I haven’t even left work yet. Winter is always a tough one for me. I wonder if I have that season mood disorder. I am already barking at work that I need sun lamps for my desk area.
It was a fun weekend…I had a blast with Isabella. We went to “The Bee Movie”. Too much buzz I think. Amusing at best. Even she was a little bored with it. Plus, I think Jerry Seinfeld has one of the most irritating voices in showbiz. Listening to him for 90 minutes was more than plenty.
“Desperate Housewives” was awesome last night. I love that freakin’ show. I cannot believe it’s the fourth season already. I have never missed an episode. I look forward to Sunday nights all week. But then reality usually sets in as the show ends and I realize that in the morning it will be Monday. Lordy do I hate Mondays. Isn’t that a song? I should play it at work. I think it would send a clear message to my co-workers and crazy listeners that wander in.
I am losing my voice big time. I can hardly talk. It’s been a rough day at work. My boss told me no joking around today and that I need to save my voice. Huh. After 8 hours of being the receptionist I don’t think joking around is going to be the make or break factor in my voice. It’s weird though since I’ve never lost my voice before. It doesn’t really hurt much, there is just nothing there. Odd. Thank God I don’t have a sold out show tonight at Madison Square Garden. That would blow. HA!
But, in other news I am doing a show up in my hometown. All new stand up comedy since the last show I did up there in January. I am calling this show “The Boy Ain’t Right”…which I think is hilarious! The last show I did there caused a minor ruckus over some of the things I said and some people thought I went too far. This kills me since I was defiantly holding back at times. So this show is going to be a little more no holds barred. I will just leave the car running by the back door incase I need to make a hasty exit.
Anyways…back to staring out the windows into the dark of night at 5 PM, err…I mean….back to work.
The time change this weekend is kicking my ass. It’s amazing how much of a change just an hour is. While it was fantastic to sleep for an extra hour the downside is clearly that it’s dark out so early now. It’s already black out and I haven’t even left work yet. Winter is always a tough one for me. I wonder if I have that season mood disorder. I am already barking at work that I need sun lamps for my desk area.
It was a fun weekend…I had a blast with Isabella. We went to “The Bee Movie”. Too much buzz I think. Amusing at best. Even she was a little bored with it. Plus, I think Jerry Seinfeld has one of the most irritating voices in showbiz. Listening to him for 90 minutes was more than plenty.
“Desperate Housewives” was awesome last night. I love that freakin’ show. I cannot believe it’s the fourth season already. I have never missed an episode. I look forward to Sunday nights all week. But then reality usually sets in as the show ends and I realize that in the morning it will be Monday. Lordy do I hate Mondays. Isn’t that a song? I should play it at work. I think it would send a clear message to my co-workers and crazy listeners that wander in.
I am losing my voice big time. I can hardly talk. It’s been a rough day at work. My boss told me no joking around today and that I need to save my voice. Huh. After 8 hours of being the receptionist I don’t think joking around is going to be the make or break factor in my voice. It’s weird though since I’ve never lost my voice before. It doesn’t really hurt much, there is just nothing there. Odd. Thank God I don’t have a sold out show tonight at Madison Square Garden. That would blow. HA!
But, in other news I am doing a show up in my hometown. All new stand up comedy since the last show I did up there in January. I am calling this show “The Boy Ain’t Right”…which I think is hilarious! The last show I did there caused a minor ruckus over some of the things I said and some people thought I went too far. This kills me since I was defiantly holding back at times. So this show is going to be a little more no holds barred. I will just leave the car running by the back door incase I need to make a hasty exit.
Anyways…back to staring out the windows into the dark of night at 5 PM, err…I mean….back to work.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
just like the little mermaid
I’m losing my voice. Isabella thinks it’s a riot. Every time I saw something she just looks at me and throws up her arms and says “What? What? What, Uncle Jason, I can’t understand you?” and then walks away shaking her head.
Isabella also said that I am just like Ariel when she loses her voice to Ursula. So Isabella has me sing “aaahhh ahhhh, aaaaaaaaahhhhhh, ahhhhhh” and then when my voice cracks and gives out she laughs like Ursula and says that my voice is now her’s and she starts to sing.
That little girl is pretty dramatic. I wonder where she gets it from?
Isabella also said that I am just like Ariel when she loses her voice to Ursula. So Isabella has me sing “aaahhh ahhhh, aaaaaaaaahhhhhh, ahhhhhh” and then when my voice cracks and gives out she laughs like Ursula and says that my voice is now her’s and she starts to sing.
That little girl is pretty dramatic. I wonder where she gets it from?
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Blog It Out
Last night I went to see a show that Becca had done costumes for. It was at Northwestern Christian Bible College or something like that. I cannot remember the exact name of the school, but for what it’s worth it’s up in Roseville or someplace like that. I just followed the directions, I didn’t pay much attention.
Anyways…
So I am sitting in my seat waiting for the show to begin and the place just has a whole different vibe to it since it’s a born again, holy roller, praise the Lord, Baptist, sinners are gonna burn in the fires of hell, touch me Jesus, Christian type of school. Not that there is anything wrong with that…I am not judging…to each their own, I am just saying that this is what this place is. And before you say anything smartass…yes, I agree…I too am surprised that I didn’t burst into flames once I stepped onto the property. As I was sitting there I was surrounded by the school’s students in the neighboring seats. The whole section I was in was all students of the school in fact. So I read the program for a little bit and then I start looking around while waiting for the show to start and I notice that a lot of these male students are touching each other. I am looking at them thinking…wow…I never touch my male friends in that manner. They are giving each other ear massages, rubbing each other’s chests, hands on each other’s legs. It was pretty damn gay. So I am sitting there and I am thinking so this is how it all starts…this is how we get a Senator Craig or a Reverend Ted Haggard. This school can deny that any of their students could be gay all they want but…wow…they certainly are. The journey for these kids in life is going to be a long, difficult one. It was honestly weird though…it coulda been a movie “Bibleback Mountain. I was sitting in a sea of gay. No denying that.
So Becca comes along and asks if I want to move and go sit with her. Bingo! Sounds good to me. I move seats with her and we go to this huge section that is pretty much empty. We find some seats and after a few minutes some other people come along and it turns out we are in their seats. Fine…fair enough…so Becca and I move to another row. Once we are seated this woman behind us starts to complain that she can’t see now. So we move again. Then just as the lights dim and the show is about to start the woman that complained about us blocking her view gets up and moves into a different row that is further back than us. So as she walks up the aisle I am so angry that I reach over Becca and I stop the woman as she is passing us and I tell her that I am really glad that she pitched a fit and made us move only for her to move a few seconds later. I told her that as long as she is happy nothing else really matters. I don’t know what came over me but I was beyond pissed off.
Becca, of course, is sitting there in horror. As the show is starting I am still ranting like a madman and Becca looks at me and says “just blog it out later”. So there it is. Blog it out. Kind of a “let it go and blog it out” mantra.
The show was enjoyable once I calmed down and was able to relax. Becca did a great job with the costumes and it was really pretty to look at.
After the show we went to “Old Chicago” to grab a bite to eat. As I was walking in I seriously misjudged where the door was. I walked right into a giant wall size pane of dark glass. I hit it hard. Thank God I didn’t break it or even worse, walk right through it. I hit it so damn hard that I actually left a face print on the glass. There were two witnesses to the event. As I bounced off the glass and stood there trying to figure out what just happened all I saw were stars and the only things I could hear were birds chirping and these two girls gasp loudly. I turned about and looked at them and said “did you see that?” to which they nodded yes in shock. I then replied “ladies…this is apparently a wall of glass. Watch out.” and then went inside.
While I was eating my delicious cheese pizza I thought to myself “I am really glad that I am not in the ER right now.”
A long Friday night in all.
Anyways…
So I am sitting in my seat waiting for the show to begin and the place just has a whole different vibe to it since it’s a born again, holy roller, praise the Lord, Baptist, sinners are gonna burn in the fires of hell, touch me Jesus, Christian type of school. Not that there is anything wrong with that…I am not judging…to each their own, I am just saying that this is what this place is. And before you say anything smartass…yes, I agree…I too am surprised that I didn’t burst into flames once I stepped onto the property. As I was sitting there I was surrounded by the school’s students in the neighboring seats. The whole section I was in was all students of the school in fact. So I read the program for a little bit and then I start looking around while waiting for the show to start and I notice that a lot of these male students are touching each other. I am looking at them thinking…wow…I never touch my male friends in that manner. They are giving each other ear massages, rubbing each other’s chests, hands on each other’s legs. It was pretty damn gay. So I am sitting there and I am thinking so this is how it all starts…this is how we get a Senator Craig or a Reverend Ted Haggard. This school can deny that any of their students could be gay all they want but…wow…they certainly are. The journey for these kids in life is going to be a long, difficult one. It was honestly weird though…it coulda been a movie “Bibleback Mountain. I was sitting in a sea of gay. No denying that.
So Becca comes along and asks if I want to move and go sit with her. Bingo! Sounds good to me. I move seats with her and we go to this huge section that is pretty much empty. We find some seats and after a few minutes some other people come along and it turns out we are in their seats. Fine…fair enough…so Becca and I move to another row. Once we are seated this woman behind us starts to complain that she can’t see now. So we move again. Then just as the lights dim and the show is about to start the woman that complained about us blocking her view gets up and moves into a different row that is further back than us. So as she walks up the aisle I am so angry that I reach over Becca and I stop the woman as she is passing us and I tell her that I am really glad that she pitched a fit and made us move only for her to move a few seconds later. I told her that as long as she is happy nothing else really matters. I don’t know what came over me but I was beyond pissed off.
Becca, of course, is sitting there in horror. As the show is starting I am still ranting like a madman and Becca looks at me and says “just blog it out later”. So there it is. Blog it out. Kind of a “let it go and blog it out” mantra.
The show was enjoyable once I calmed down and was able to relax. Becca did a great job with the costumes and it was really pretty to look at.
After the show we went to “Old Chicago” to grab a bite to eat. As I was walking in I seriously misjudged where the door was. I walked right into a giant wall size pane of dark glass. I hit it hard. Thank God I didn’t break it or even worse, walk right through it. I hit it so damn hard that I actually left a face print on the glass. There were two witnesses to the event. As I bounced off the glass and stood there trying to figure out what just happened all I saw were stars and the only things I could hear were birds chirping and these two girls gasp loudly. I turned about and looked at them and said “did you see that?” to which they nodded yes in shock. I then replied “ladies…this is apparently a wall of glass. Watch out.” and then went inside.
While I was eating my delicious cheese pizza I thought to myself “I am really glad that I am not in the ER right now.”
A long Friday night in all.
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