KATHY GRIFFIN

Kathy Griffin and Me!

Tom is lurking in the background. Hilarious!

Kathy Griffin as she is talking to me. Great shot Jenn!

The Orpheum Theatre!

When I grow up
I wanna be famous
I wanna be a star
I wanna be in movies
When I grow up
I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars
I wanna have groupies
When I grow up
Be on TV
People know me
Be on magazines
When I grow up

It’s no secret I love Kathy Griffin. I never miss one of her appearances on TV. I have recorded every single episode of all four seasons of “Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List”. I obsess over her interviews on TV or in print. I buy her DVD’s and CD’s. I love everything about her.

Last night Kathy completed a record breaking five show run at the Orpheum Theatre here in Minneapolis. Five shows! Amazing. And, I went to all five. Yes, that’s right. I think that definitely qualifies me as a “super fan”.

Here is the exciting break down of events!

Friday evening there are two shows back to back. I hauled ass to the theatre right after work and began “Operation Meet and Greet with Kathy Griffin”. I hung out in the parking lot for a few hours. Becca joined me shortly after six pm. Completely and totally unsuccessful. I knew that Kathy wouldn’t leave between shows so I didn’t bother hanging out at the stage door after the first show. My friend and co-worker Amy attended the second show with me. I knew Kathy would bail from the theatre the minute she walked off stage and I was right. So Amy and I left the show a few minutes early to try and catch Kathy as she left the theatre. Again no luck. The only vehicle that left the stage door area was a little Honda with three people in it. We saw the Honda when we came out, it was running and has it’s flashers on but was waiting by a different door at the loading dock. Turns out it was a bait and switch! The three people in the car was none other than one of the theatre’s employees (the driver), Tom (Kathy’s tour manager), and Kathy. DAMN IT.

Saturday was the Alanis Morisette concert. Kathy did a show down in Iowa.

Sunday is show number three. I go back down to the theatre and I stake out a new spot in the parking lot. I am positioned with a clear line of vision for both doors. Not going to run the risk tonight of missing her. It is cold and damp out. As it gets darker it just gets colder. I wait, and wait, and wait. I look over to my right as I’m sitting on this dirty curb and I see a few pairs of underwear. Apparently the Alanis concert must have been quite a night for some people. I wait and wait and wait some more. I feel like Linus sitting out in pumpkin patch waiting for The Great Pumpkin to arrive. I am miserable and cold. Then I see this African American woman walk past me. She gives me the dirtiest look I’ve seen in years. She is wearing old jeans and a red sweatshirt with a red jacket tied around her waist. I would have mistaken her for a homeless woman except she has really expensive looking red framed eyeglasses and her hair is impeccable. I think she might be working with the theatre or something. More waiting followed by even more waiting. All of a sudden a huge black SUV with tinted windows pulls up and Kathy Griffin has arrived. The “homeless” woman runs down the ramp to the stage door in front of the SUV. I run over and I see Kathy Griffin getting out the vehicle and quickly moving into the theatre. Then I see the “homeless” woman video taping Kathy. Kathy waves, I hear her say “hi” and it’s over. Insane. After the show, I go back out the stage door and the SUV is parked there and it’s running. There is one other woman there, waiting with a camera. She comes over to talk to me and I’m trying to shake her because she seems really crazy to me. All of a sudden the stage door opens and Kathy is jumping into the SUV. I’ve never seen anyone more so quick! So the SUV drives past us as it comes up the ramp. The woman next to me starts to pound on the car window and is yelling “KATHY! I LOVE YOU KATHY! “The SUV drives across the parking lot and she is running still screaming, arms flailing, camera flashing. She tries to get in front of the SUV to block them but they end up peeling out of the parking lot out onto Hennepin Avenue and they are gone into the dark of night. C-R-A-Z-Y!

Monday is the fourth sold out show. I have two shows left to meet Kath Griffin. Only two left! The first three have been a total bust. Sure…the nights have been adventurous with the whole lunatic pounding on the car, the nasty looks from the “homeless” woman, and the dirty underwear…but my Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D:List DVD is still unsigned!

Jenn meets me for the show and we are hanging out in the parking lot. I’ve giving her the rundown of the previous nights and we are hatching out plan of attack. As we wait in the parking lot I look across the street and I see Kathy’s SUV parked in the alley between the Chambers Hotel and a parking ramp. I stand there for a second and think…Kathy is staying at the Chamber’s Hotel. Literally across the street from the theatre. Not down the block, or around the corner…but across the street! ACROSS THE STREET! Then I see the driver come around the vehicle and it’s the same guy who drove Kathy the night before. So I quick look up to the penthouse level of the hotel. It’s really easy to see since the hotel is only five stories high and all the lights are on. Then I see a man walking around by the windows. A few minutes later I see a woman with huge hair near the windows. It’s Kathy and Tom! I cannot believe it. We are shocked! This is insane. Then we see Tom upstairs get on the phone and then the driver gets on the phone. They are talking to each other! After they are done the theatre employee who waiting by the stage door gets on his phone and we hear him say “ok, great. I’m waiting at the door. See you in a minute.” It’s almost time! Then we look back across the street and see the driver opening the door of the SUV and a few seconds later the side door of the Hotel opens and out steps Kathy Griffin and Tom and they get in and it drives off. No one has noticed. NO ONE! I am feeling like Angela Lansbury on “Murder She Wrote” only without a crime to solve. I am a genius. I cannot believe I have figured it all out and no one is aware. The theatre is sold out. 2,500 fans and she is literally across the street and everyone is clueless.

So we get the camera ready and I grab the DVD and sharpie marker. I go up to the guy working at the stage door and I tell him that I just have a DVD and camera and that it’s cool. He is fine with it and is actually really nice. I told him that I just wanted to make sure since the crazy woman pounded on the car last night that there won’t be any problems. He then tells me that CJ was there the night before videotaping Kathy as she arrived. The woman that I thought was homeless and crusty is actually CJ, the gossip reporter for the Star Tribune. Whoops!

A few minutes later the SUV pulls up and Jenn and I run down the ramp behind it. As the door opens and Kathy is getting out I say “Kathy will you sign your DVD?” She says sure and takes it and starts to autograph it. Then she asks me if I want to take a picture. Hell yeah! So Jenn takes a picture of Kathy and I and then Kathy asks Jenn if she wants a picture, so I take a picture of them. Then some other woman wants a picture so I take her camera and take the picture. All the while I’m talking non-stop to Kathy. I told her that I’m going to all five shows and that I loved the fact that she changes the material every night. She thanks me for going to all five shows and says that she has to change it up or else she would never get through it. More chit chat follows. It’s all a blur. Then she says and I quote “Well, since you are going to all the shows you better go in. After all I clearly can’t start the show without you.”

How awesome is that?

I didn’t go back to the stage door for the last show. It was cold and rainy and to be honest…my experience with her was great. I didn’t want to be disappointed and have the whole experience be ruined. I got her picture, I got her autograph, and I got to talk to her. I was a happy camper. She was so gracious and kind. She’s won two Emmy’s, is a comedy Icon, and has a hit TV show and she asks me if I want a picture. Unreal.

There it is. My third Kathy Griffin adventure. Each one more memorable than the last. Oh, almost forgot. I was recognized twice by people that have seen me perform. That was nice. They have seen me do stand up comedy and improv around town. It was on two different nights. Always surprises me when that happens. Hopefully I’m doing something right!

Suck it haters!

Be careful what you wish for
'cause you just might get it
You just might get it
You just might get it

(This post was written on October 8th, but just published today.)