Jesus Christ vs. Mickey Mouse

Every now and again I am really struck by something that is so bizarre that it truly leaves me speechless. I was watching TV at work this morning (yes, you read that right. I have a TV a few feet from my desk in the lobby) and on CNN News they ran a story about “The Holy Land Experience Theme Park” in Orlando, Florida recovering from a financial loss. Yes, it’s real. Google it for the weblink if you think I am lying.

As I sat in my chair watching the footage of this theme park, I tried to think of the last time I’ve seen something so odd. I failed. I cannot think of anything that beats this. The footage included scenes of re-enactments of Jesus preaching to the masses, Jesus walking through the streets, Jesus being crucified on the cross. Yeah, that’s right…crucified. Apparently there are “shows” throughout the day that re-enact moments in biblical history. How weird would it be to have that job? Imagine that conversation at a dinner party…

SCENE: A PARTY IN A CONDO IN ORLANDO.
Party Host: “So what do you for a living?”
Actor playing Jesus: “Uh…I’m Jesus and I’m crucified every day at 6 PM.”
Party Host: Oh my God!”
Actor Playing Jesus: “Yeah, that’s what I say. But, don’t worry I rise from the dead at 7 PM every day Monday through Saturday.”
Party Host: “Neat. So can you turn my water into wine?”

I’m sure that actor must have a super sized ego. WOW. Could you imagine a few years down the road when he is in the some terrible dinner theatre production of “Cats” in Iowa…just sitting there licking his paws on the edge of the floating tire thinking “I used to be someone. I used to be Jesus.”

But my favorite scene in the footage was that of a woman getting her picture taken with Moses and the stone tablets. She was so over the moon giddy to see Moses that it was really funny. I wonder who the most popular character is to get your picture taken with? Is it Moses? Or how about Herod, Mary, or maybe even Cain and Abel? Maybe one of the Apostles? Do you think Judas is over in the corner mad that no one wants a picture with him? That would bite to be that actor…

SCENE: THE JERUSALEM STREET MARKET AT "HOLY LAND EXPERIENCE".
A Mom: “So who are you?”
Actor playing Judas: “I’m Judas. Ummm…I betray Jesus every day at 3 PM”.
Kids: “Boo! Hiss! Boo! You suck!”
Mom: “Kid’s get away from Judas right now!”
Tattletale Kid: “Mom, Jenny’s a traitor. She hugged Judas!”
Mom: “Jenny! Get over here now! Some sins cannot be washed off!”
Smartass Kid: “Hey Judas, how’s it hangin?”

I wonder if Judas has to have security guards around him to keep from being beat up or stoned to death. I hope he gets paid well because that job would bite.

Some highlights at the park that I found include…

CALVARY GARDEN TOMB
Follow the Via Dolorosa, the road on which Christ carried the cross, to Calvary’s Garden Tomb. Spend time resting, praying, or reflecting on the meaning and significance of the empty tomb. Atop the hill stand the crosses of Gologtha, where Jesus was crucified and died for the sins of the world.

DEAD SEA QUMRAN CAVES
This unique land mass is a replica of the desert caves where the Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered by a shepherd boy in 1947. West of the Dead Sea and south of Jericho, these caves may have been home to a Jewish sect known as the Essenes.

JERUSALEM STREET MARKET
When you pass through our city gate, you will travel back in time to an ancient land that is 2000 years old and 7000 miles away! In the street market of Jerusalem, browse the Middle Eastern market place, see the city well, begin a walking tour of the Experience, and interact with Jerusalem’s own street merchants.

Plus there are other sights including The Great Temple, Reflecting Pool, The Scriptorium, Wilderness Tabernacle, KidVenture, and so much more!

The dining options are a riot.

A day at The Holy Land Experience will satisfy your spiritual appetite, but there's no need to ignore your physical hunger!

ROYAL PORTICO EATERY
Featuring hot, smoked turkey legs, delicious Edy's® ice cream, smoothies, and more. Take a break during your day and eat in the shadow of the beautiful and majestic Great Temple.

SIMEON’S CORNER
Located at the crossroads across from the Qumran Caves, stop by for a steaming foot-long hot dog, or a giant flavored pretzel, and grab something cold to drink.

Now I don’t want to be Debby Downer or anything but I highly doubt that Jesus ate foot long hotdogs or Edy’s Ice Cream. I’m just saying if we are going to do this right, let’s do it right. Could we maybe have some real food that they would have eaten? Such as maybe bread, fish, olive oil or honeycomb. Do you think they sell apples? Or is that still a sore subject?

My vacation for next summer is now planned.

Summer 2008. Destination: The Holy Land Experience Theme Park.

Anyone wanna come along? It will be good for you and your soul. Sure Disney is a lot of fun, but Mickey can’t get you through the pearly gates, now can he? Best of all it only costs $35 for an all day pass and $5 for parking. A cheap price for eternal salvation, don’t you think?

Orlando or bust.