salad = death

I ate a salad today at work for lunch. It was miserable. Yet another bid for a healthy lifestyle that was a test of character. How do people love salads? I just don’t get it. I felt like I was chomping on a bunch of crap that I found out in the woods. Not that lettuce grows in the woods…but you get what I mean.

I ate it. I wasn’t happy about it. But, it didn’t kill me…yet. My stomach hurts really bad. I’m sure it was too much of a shock to my system. I should have warned my stomach by eating a few carrot sticks first. Like a “Hey buddy…here…try this on for size. In a few minutes hell is going to break loose and you will be full of leaves, and grass, and twigs, and roots. Good luck!”

I’ll probably go down in history as the first person to die from eating a salad.