fri ends

dolly in concert
amazing
country music fan or not
you cannot deny
the woman is an
icon
deservedly so

i went by myself
no one i knew wanted to go
it reminded me of when i worked in
new york city
for the rosie o’donnell show
impossible to make real friends
in the fake world of showbiz
hug kiss kiss call me
all lip service
i did everything
concerts, broadway shows, comedy shows, movies
alone
and i was fine with it

as i watched her on stage
this living legend
i was moved and inspired
to be more than I am

seven months ago
i walked with her down a hallway
talked with her about Boy George
dolly knew my name
all so surreal
but real
the photo of her and i
evidence that it did really happen

my mom loved dolly
she got such a huge kick out of her
i said when I found out I was going to meet dolly
“if my mom was alive she would simply die.”
odd but true

today at work
a conversation
took a right when it should have taken a left
remarks were spoken
that caught me off guard
and left me feeling raw

three years ago when my mom died
my world changed
friendships were tested and strained and damaged
nothing is the same
most have fallen by the wayside
neither side really seems to care
or bothers to acknowledge that it’s over
very few remain

i still invite them to my shows
because it’s safe
an illusion of a connection
in a crowd
too much commotion
to hear the silence between us
some come, some do not
it makes no difference really
i guess
it is what it is

a few years ago
in college
a friendship was broken
and almost withered away
my friend…whom i adored
said to me in an poor attempt at reconciliation
“When we weren’t friends, I was mad that I blew my only chance to be friends with someone who could be famous.”
there it was
not a “I missed you” or “I’m sorry”
but rather a
“If you ever became someone of worth, I would have regretted it.”

losing my mom
almost destroyed me
i’ve kept my distance
from most people since then
the risk of caring
and losing again
simply too great
you don’t miss what you don’t know
you don’t hurt if you don’t feel

upstairs
in an office
of someone i got along with really well
someone i thought i was willing to take a risk with
and trust
and actually be friends with
or so i thought
the words dropped in conversation
“it’s not like we’re friends”
spoken by him and heard by me
as i sat there thinking what the hell
then the knock out phrase
moments after the first punch
“You ever have that awkward moment where you are giving clues to someone that you are done with the conversation but they just don’t get it? Has that ever happened to you before?”
as he turns away and starts to work
ding the bell goes off
the referee declares a winner
not so subtle hint taken
as i exit
dismissed like a child

standing ovation
and deafening cheers
of love and adoration
for dolly
as she left the stage

maybe some people
are only worth something
if they are famous
after all