Jason VS. the Centipede: An epic battle.

Did you hear my screams of terror last night? At 2:30 AM I discovered the world’s largest centipede on the wall above my bed. A part of me died last night upon seeing it on my wall. I turned on my light and there it was. It seriously looked to be about 8 feet long. I guess it is a “house centipede” which is different from a regular centipede. But…honestly…a gross bug is a gross bug.

Now a few days earlier I found one on my bathroom floor. I figured it must have crept in through a drain or plumbing or something along those lines. I stood there and saw it racing around the floor when I turned on the light. I swear it ran around faster than anything I have ever seen move before. Finally it ran itself into a corner and I was able to squish it with some toilet paper and flush the remains. I figured it was a fluke. A one time deal. I was wrong.

Standing there in my bedroom…staring at this huge killer bug on my wall, I had a flash back to the one from the bathroom. I figured this one had come seeking revenge on me for killing it’s partner, but by my turning on the light I somehow thwarted it’s evil plan. We stood there…sizing each other up. It would come down to size versus speed.

If I tried to squish it, I knew what would happen. I would have to stand on my bed, the centipede would make an unexpected move, I would have a heart attack and fall off the bed and end up hitting my head and knocking myself unconscious while the centipede escapes and is loose in my bedroom…free to come back at a later date to complete it’s diabolical mission to kill me. So I thought of plan b. I went with the vacuum cleaner. I grabbed it quick from the closet and assembled the hose attachments. I plugged it in and waited until the perfect moment to attack. Three, two, one…go! I turned it on and sucked it up before it even knew what was happening. Brilliant, I know. Then I had to do a little bit of vacuuming to make sure that it wasn’t just hanging on for dear life in the tube or anything. After all, it only has a million legs for it to use to cling on for safety. I also wanted to make sure it was dead and smashed by other bits of dirt and dust. Then to play it safe I stuffed toilet paper in the hose opening to block any escape should it have survived up to this point. I left nothing to chance.

I would have just taken the vacuum canister out to the dumpster, but it was 2:30 AM and I did not want to get attacked by the raccoons that pillage through the garbage at night. A centipede was terrible, but rabies would be even worse. You have to get shots when you have rabies.

Tonight after work I am going to get some bug spray and go over the house like crazy. I will probably be dead by tomorrow from all the fumes.

Ick.

By the way…here is a link to what it looked like. I was going to post a picture of it but then I realized I don’t want a picture of it on my blog. It’s too nasty. I don’t want to give any of you nightmares. Ugh.

http://www.uos.harvard.edu/ehs/pes_centipedes.shtml