How did it begin?

The first time I was asked to do stand up comedy was back in high school. I was a senior and I was out at TEC on a religious retreat (don’t ask…long story – let’s just say I’ve had an interesting life). A woman was on the retreat booked comedy clubs down in Minneapolis. She thought I was hilarious and asked me to come and perform at the club. I said no. I figured she was crazy to say the least. There was no way I was interested in doing stand up comedy. I wanted to act on a sitcom. That was my dream. I never really realized that a lot of sitcom actors started as stand up comics. The devil is in the details, right? So I blew her off and never gave it much thought. A few people that I had mentioned it to thought it was a fantastic idea. I lumped them into the pool of crazies along with the woman from the retreat. I thought it was a terrible idea.

Sometimes in life a missed opportunity does come around again. A second chance.

The first time I did stand up comedy I was interning on “The Rosie O’Donnell Show”. Some of the writers on the show thought I was very funny and arranged for me to perform at the open mic night at the New York Comedy Club. Much of the performance was, and still is, a blur. I just remember getting up on the stage, being nervous as hell, grabbing the microphone off the stand, putting the stand behind me, and hitting the ground running. Then the laughter began.

The first performance was a hit. I was hooked. I remember hearing a lot of laughter (the lights were too bright for me to see anything) and the wave of acceptance hitting me. After the show I was standing outside waiting for my friends and people were coming out of the club and stopping to talk to me. Many shook my hand or patted my shoulder as they passed by telling me they had a riot and how funny I was. It was a surreal moment to say the least. The fat kid from Minnesota makes the jaded New Yorkers laugh hard. Good times.

I was asked back. But, I didn’t go.

Off and on I did stand up comedy…maybe a performance here and there. Twice, maybe three times a year tops. I found it to be fun, but not a serious career consideration. Besides, I figured I knew nothing about stand up comedy. All I knew was my life and my experiences. Which thankfully for me was pretty funny to others.

I ended up doing a showcase at Comic Strip Live! in New York City. Once again I was asked back to perform, but I didn’t go.

I did the open mic night at ACME Comedy Club in Minneapolis and was asked to come back the following week. Yes, you guessed it. I didn’t go.

I am not sure why I never went back to any of the clubs. Seems pretty bizarre to me when I think about it now. I was given chances that any aspiring comic would have killed for. Maybe I was scared of bombing (fortunately for me up to this point I had never really bombed on stage), maybe I was scared of letting go of my dream of being a comic actor, or maybe I was simply scared of success. Who knows. But, I was definitely scared of something.

Fast forward a few years to ACME’s Amateur Stand Up Comedy Contest. I had entered due to the pressure of my roommate at the time. It was a contest that ran over the course of the summer. Each night so many comics performed with the winner of each night advancing to the next level. The night I performed I took first place. I had a bunch of friends and family in the audience and I will never forget hearing my name announced as the winning comic. It was truly the first time I considered comedy to be a profession I was interested in. At the next round I lost. I lost to the guy who would win the entire competition in the next round. I guess if you have to lose, at least lose to the best, right? I wasn’t devastated or really that upset about losing. In a way, it was a relief. I wasn’t ready to become a comic yet in my mind. I was far from it. Backstage I was sitting with the emcee and stand up comic Colleen Kruse and she looked at me and said point blank. “You are a comic. I heard your set. You could easily have a great career in comedy.” I have found most of the comics I have been around to be very supportive. Not all, but the majority. A few are complete nightmares. Absolute terrors. I am not sure how they get that way…I supposed it’s a lethal combination of being a “never was “ mixed with “has been”.

When my mom was in her cancer treatments she was reading Oprah’s magazine and there was an article about a stand up comic who was talking about living the dream and all the horrible things that happened along the way, the sacrifices you make, and how to reach your goal you need to believe and have faith in what you are doing. My mom ripped out the page for me. I came home for the weekend to spend time with her (this was before I moved back home to be with her) and she had it on the fridge for me with my name written in the margin. My mom was my number one fan and supporter. My mom believed in me. She believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself. I still have that torn page out of a magazine. I will treasure it always. Two years ago I thought I had lost it. I was devastated. But, I found it and it’s now in a safe place tucked between all the letters and cards from her that I have kept over the years.

After my mom died I had no interest in getting back on stage again. It was hard enough to just make it through the day, much less get up on stage and entertain an audience. Forget it. The thought of it would send me into a panicked downward spiral. It was just too much.

Then a call came from my friend Mary (who is a stand up comic). She needed me to perform in a show she was headlining. At first I thought no way. But, as I sat there in silence trying to figure out how to say no I found myself saying yes. I took myself by surprise. I went. I performed. I did very well. Mary got me back on stage when I never thought I would do it again. The date was October 21, 2005. I will never forget that show ever.

Over the years I’ve done many successful shows and also had some disastrous train wrecks. As Rosie O’Donnell says…”Wax on, wax off.” It’s all about balance, I guess. Ying and yang. Light and dark. Hit and miss. But, for the first time I do believe that I can do it. I can have a true career in stand up comedy if I want it. I know it’s not going to be easy or always fun. There will be many disappointments and setbacks along the way. There will be incredible shows and there will be terrible shows. There will be beautiful theatres with captive audiences and there will be skank dives with crowds of ten that could not care less. I no longer fear bombing. Once you bomb onstage and you realize that you didn’t actually die, it’s rather freeing. I no longer fear success. What comes my way is what comes. As Mary told me. “Just do it. Let’s go of the expectations of the end result. It will come.” Who knows where the road will end up. But, I am willing to travel it. I do know this much though…it is going to be an interesting journey. No doubt about it.