seventeen years

a friendship of 17 years
is rare in the world today
half my life
known by him
literally
only three lay claim to that title
of seventeen years
soon it will be two
i fear

now we are at a
crossroads
him and i
do we stay
and fix it once and for all
or simply walk away
and let it go once and for all
one way or another
from this point
it will not be the same
north east south or west
who knows the direction the wind will blow
i’m sorry or goodbye
hangs in the balance
friendships can be very fragile

not that it will be
simple
to walk away
it’s not easy to say goodbye
to someone who means so much
but sometimes you
need to do what you need to do
to be ok

but

to fix it
will not be simple
either
it will take work
and the willingness to risk being wronged
but sadly in the end
this
could all be in vain

an emotional coin toss

walk away now
or stay
and hope it’s not just a delay
of what you fear is inevitable

seventeen years
of
laughter and tears
sorrow and joy
fights and celebrations

seventeen years
of
milestones
confessions
coming out

seventeen years
of
life

you’ve been there through it all
you have seen the best of me
and the worst
and i of you as well
and most tragic of all
in the end i always thought it would be you

the damage done…

a call in the middle of the night
years ago
that i just can’t leave in the past
trust me i’ve tried and failed
but certain words i’ll carry with me forever
i cringe when touched
because of your careless actions

two years ago
in the darkest hours of my life
burying my mom
you were not there
you couldn’t be…not your fault
truthfully
my brain knows that
but my heart does not
it’s not ok and will never be
no way to ever right the wrong

no villain no hero
in this story
just two people
with a tragic combination of
too much said
and
too little said

insecure and insignificant
you make me
feel
i told you

your response = silence
just made it worse

attempts to talk
one done
two done
last chance
three strikes and you’re out
just rules of the game that you said this was
right?

seventeen long years
will there be an 18?

i honestly don’t know.