all roads

driving in the rain
on a sunday afternoon
the mind tends to wander
sometimes i think too much
i know i do
almost a personality flaw

staring out on the road
thinking where i’ve been
and where i’m going
not just today
but yesterday and tomorrow
as well

traffic backed up for miles
no reason why
just is
like so much else in life
no reason why
just is

exit 94
and backtrack
i find myself
driving highway 10
for the first time ever
from st. cloud to the twin cities

hours earlier at brunch
for my dad’s birthday
my sister and i talked
of living in champlin
when we were little
over french toast and omelets

conversation of youth
and my obsession of e.t.
reese’s pieces lined my windowsill every night
i wanted an alien of my own
more than anything in the world
i still do, i guess

now as i traveled
on highway 169 south
i found myself back in
champlin
first time since 1984
face to face with the past unexpectedly

23 years have gone by
i didn’t bother looking for our old house
on george street
i’d never find the where we lived
no matter how hard i’d try
so much has changed

the rain falls steady
when i am quiet
my mind often returns
to thoughts of my mom
and all that went wrong
over those fourteen months

in the hospital
near the end
i was beyond an emotional train wreck
devastated to the core of my being
to some degree i still am
parts will never heal

as i was still praying for a miracle
my mom looked at me and said
“if you want you can buy the burial plot next to me,
unless you would rather end up somewhere else.”
the thought of it never crossed my mind
before

i did buy the cemetery plot
without hesitation
an odd purchase at the age of 30
now no matter which roads i take in life
i know where they will ultimately end
oakland cemetery, little falls, Minnesota

the irony of it all
i’ve spent so much of my life
trying to escape that small little town
now by choice
i will return
for all of eternity

it’s oddly freeing
in the strangest sense
to know where you will be laid to rest
when the sun sets on your final day
eventually
all roads lead home