Twilight Zone

I feel like I am living in the Twilight Zone. I really do.

When my mom died, I was in the darkest depths of despair and rage and anguish and pain. When my mom died, I hurt so bad I could not even breathe. When my mom died, I did not think I could go another minute. When my mom died, I was careening out of control down a downward spiral. When my mom died, I was suffering…and everyone told me it would get better. I was told the sun would come out again. I was told that the pain would be less raw. I was told that I would find happiness in life. I was told time heals all wounds. I was told…

That was then…this is now…

Today I was having a pretty good day. Finally. A day where I was not consumed with the endless train of “what ifs”? A day where I was not overwhelmed by everything that has happened. A day where I was not laying in a pile on the floor. It was a day where I ran my errands and was actually able to cross things off the list. It was a day where I made progress on my projects. It was a day where I was able to get through without crying at the drop of a hat. It was a day where I was able to remember the good times I have had with my mom without the images of her death hanging over my head. When I am finally able to function in a normal capacity again I am told that there will be dark days ahead. No lie. At the grocery store today I ran into two people I know. Two long conversations in the aisles as strangers whisked by with their carts, living their own lives. I was asked how I was doing. I said that for the most part, I am having a pretty good day for the first time since my mom died. The just looked at me and shook their head. Then they spoke. I was told that there will be many times when I will miss my mom so much it will be unbearable. I was told that it will be the hardest when I start to think of all the things she is missing in our lives. I was told that there will be days where I will cry because I just want to hear her voice again. I was told that there will be many dark days ahead. I was told...

I left the grocery store bewildered.

I then went to the cemetery to visit my mom’s grave. I talked to her for awhile. I cried for awhile. I laughed for awhile. Life is truly bizarre. As I said goodbye, I thanked her for leaving me here with all these lunatics.

Life in the Twilight Zone.