two years

running late
overslept
too tired after yet another night of
nightmares
endless they seem
i think its time to get help
i’m tired of living like this

on the road
thinking about the past two years
and all that has happened
and all that she has missed

pull into the driveway at my sisters
10:20 AM
oddly enough the same exact time
my mom died
two years ago
today
i pause for a moment
a little weirded out
actually more than a little
very weirded out
to be honest

off to little falls
a quick stop at the store
isabella sees some blue flowers
isabella loves the color blue – she always has
she looks at me eyes wide open
“oh i want those. grandma will love ‘em”
yes isabella she will
blue flowers it is

down to the cemetery
to clean and put out some flowers
isabella
running free among the remains
of those who were loved and lost

the grave bare and joyless
given new life
with
pink flamingos, flowers, an angel
and more

isabella looks at the picture
of my mom
on the tombstone
isabella says…
“i miss her. i want her back.”
so do i, isabella, so do i

on the way home
isabella falls asleep
holding my hand
tiny little fingers clutching mine
holding tight the entire way
hope love faith

so begins year three…