River

driving to minneapolis from st. cloud
neither place really home
the day after Thanksgiving
the first without my mom
worse than I had expected
so much worse

It’s coming on Christmas
They’re cutting down trees
They’re putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on

they say the first year is the worst
“just gotta get through the year of firsts”
then it will be better
the chorus sings
just…
gotta…
they promise
i
think
they
lie
lies lies and more lies
after a year of “firsts”
comes a year of “seconds”
then comes the
thirds
fourths
fifths
sixths
and so on and on and on
until we meet again

I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on

on the radio joni mitchell’s song “river” plays
loud
i look ahead
i’m now behind a hearse
a hearse on the freeway
94
between st. cloud and minneapolis
can it get worse?
probably not.
tears fall
memories flash
of
looking at the back of a hearse
the day they drove your remains away
the day they drove your remains to the church
the day they drove your remains to your final resting place
memories
of things past
memories
i'll never forget
memories
i can’t seem to get past
although you’re gone
you still remain

It’s coming on Christmas
They’re cutting down trees
They’re putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace
I wish I had a river
I could skate away on...


“River” by Joni Mitchell