Kindness From A Child

Yesterday I had gone back to my apartment with the intention of getting some things done. Did not happen. I pretty much sat on the couch and thought of all the stuff I needed to be doing but decided against.

I think it was because it was the day that marked two months since my mom’s death that left me drained physically and emotionally. Each day is a blessing and curse. A blessing because it is a day closer to seeing her again. A curse because it is another day without her.

So I did nothing of any great accomplishment.

I watched Oprah. I hardly watch Oprah. I like her; I just never watch the show much. But, there I sat…watching Oprah. Oprah said something that I thought was so simple yet so profound. They were discussing forgiveness and the concept of it. And how when you forgive someone, it is not about the other person but rather about you. You are allowing yourself to let go of the anger and allowing yourself to move on with your life. It is not about welcoming the other person back into your life. It is not about letting the other person off the hook. It is not about them. It is about you. Oprah said “Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could be different.” Interesting. I had never thought of forgiveness in that light before.

My roommate’s niece was up visiting. I think she is 8 or so…somewhere in there. The first thing she said to me was “I am sorry about your mom.” I just looked at her and said “thank you.” Here is this child, whom I met once before and she had the kindness to acknowledge my loss, when there are so many others who just choose to ignore it. I am left speechless when I think about how I actually have friends who have never acknowledged my mom’s death. Speechless. It is wrong beyond words. So wrong. Yet it is also a sad truth. People can be such a huge disappointment. They really can.

Someday I might forgive you for letting me down so greatly in my darkest days. But not today and probably not tomorrow. Hopefully someday though. But forget? Never. I will never forget.

From a child an offering of kindness. From adults an act of coldness.