middle of the road

Today was a day. Not a bad day, not a good day. Just a day. A balanced day, I would say. No overwhelming sadness, no overwhelming happiness. No looming sense of despair, no bursting sense of hope. A middle of the road kind of day.

I am going to be early. I am exhausted. From what, I have no idea. I really did not do much of anything today. But, I am not sleeping well. No nightmares or anything, just not sleeping. I keep waking up over and over and over all night long. Last night I woke up and was confused once again as to where I was. It was a good thing that I had left a light on, otherwise it would have taken me longer to figure out where I was and I would have been much more panicked. I hate those moments. Moments of fear and uncertainty and confusion. But, those moments are even more dangerous because it is in those moments that I forget what has happened and even in the fear and confusion there is a moment of relief that everything has only been a bad dream. I think that it all has been a really terrible nightmare, just like the ones people have on television and then they wake up and go downstairs and everyone is still sitting in the kitchen, smiling at them. I hate those moments more than anything. False hope is one of the cruelest emotions we are capable of.

Tomorrow is another day. Who knows what it will hold. If nothing else, hopefully it will be a middle of the road kind of day.