chatter

There is so much noise in my head, it is impossible to think. Just constant noise.

Noise. It’s like when you hear foreigners speak their language and it seems to only be a bunch of random noises that are meaningless. You hear it and think that there is no possible way it could mean anything. But, it does. It holds so many meanings. Noise. It is like my mind is speaking a foreign language that I don’t know. I don’t understand my thoughts and I have no idea how to figure them out.

Well, that is my mind lately. Yesterday I could not complete a single thought that required more than a few seconds. Anything needing concentration was out of the question. I tried to write, but the noise was too great. Could not form sentences. Abandoned mission. People talk to me and I am looking at them and then my mind not only wanders, but runs. I have no clue what they are saying or how to respond. I just blankly stare and blink. It is horrible. I stop mid-sentence. Having no clue what I was about to say or what I just said. Awkward pause is the only language I seem to know anymore. So I am not really speaking to anyone, too much effort, at this moment.

Chatter. Chatter. Chatter. Meaningless noise. I can’t hear myself think. I can’t hear anything buy chatter. Chatter. Chatter. Chatter.

Praying to understand the chatter. Praying for silence so I can hear myself again.

My soul is restless.