the angels cry

Sitting at the back of the bus. Praying, thinking, remembering. Every seat filled. Others turned away and left to their own devices. A bus of sorrow. A final farewell to a friend. Looking out the window…numb. A year of too much death. A year of too much loss. A year of too much grief. This year seems endless. Much like my grief. Much like all of our grief. Only a beginning, never an ending. I don’t know anyone untouched by death this year. The sky turns gray. Windows streaked with rain. Souls streaked with tears. I hear a friend whisper “even the angels are crying”. Grief truly knows no limit.

Called Home

Today a dear friend of mine was buried.

Rest in peace...
Phyllis Ruthann Morgan
October 29, 1980 – August 27, 2005

The Parting Glass
Traditional Irish

Oh all the money that e’er I spent
I spent it in good company
And all the harm that e’er I’ve done
Alas, it was to none but me
And all I’ve done for want of wit
To memory now I can’t recall
So fill to me the parting glass
Good night and joy be with you all

Oh all the comrades that e’er I’ve had
Are sorry for my going away
And all the sweethearts that e’er I’ve had
Would wish me one more day to stay
But since it falls unto my lot
That I should rise and you should not
I’ll gently rise and I’ll softly call
Good night and joy be with you all

Throwdown at Casual Male Big & Tall

Today I was shopping and decided on a whim to stop at the Casual Male Big & Tall store. Now…just to clarify…I don’t need to shop there…I am large, but not so large that regular stores don’t carry my size. Anyways…just had to throw that out there. Part of me always gets a sick pleasure out of shopping at the Big & Tall store. I go in, find something on the rack, then have to ask if they have it in a smaller size. A really large guy rolls his eyes at me and mumbles something about me needing to eat something and stop starving myself as he goes to the backroom to get clothes that do not have a double digit in front of a series of X’s. I love it. I love it a lot.

Well, today was a crash and burn day at the Big & Tall store. An older, cracked out woman came in and frantically came up to me and asked me “do you carry socks”. I looked at her and said “I’m sorry, I don’t work here.” It was one of those moments were it felt like a candid camera moment. I strained my neck looking around the store for that infamous little yellow light. No such luck. She then looked at me, covered her mouth and mumbled something. I figured she was horrified for confusing me with a salesman and was apologizing. I wanted to hear her say she was very, very, very sorry for her faux pas. So I said “excuse me, what?” and she shrieked “You don’t have socks!”. Clearly, she did not comprehend the fact that I was not an employee there. I also thought this was kind of an extreme reaction over socks. Is there something I don’t know? Are socks now being used as currency? Are socks being traded for gallons of gasoline? Why is it so hard to find socks? Again…I just looked at her and said in a semi-annoyed voice…”No, I said I don’t work here. I don’t know if they have socks or not.” She looked at me and said in a really rude tone “Oh, you look like someone who would work here.” I just looked at her and said “Why…because I am fat?” to which she trotted off, disgusted.

Every time I look at my socks, I think of her.

It will take a lot of courage and a lot of booze to get me back to the Casual Male Big & Tall store. No lie.