KATHY GRIFFIN

Kathy Griffin and Me!

Tom is lurking in the background. Hilarious!

Kathy Griffin as she is talking to me. Great shot Jenn!

The Orpheum Theatre!

When I grow up
I wanna be famous
I wanna be a star
I wanna be in movies
When I grow up
I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars
I wanna have groupies
When I grow up
Be on TV
People know me
Be on magazines
When I grow up

It’s no secret I love Kathy Griffin. I never miss one of her appearances on TV. I have recorded every single episode of all four seasons of “Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List”. I obsess over her interviews on TV or in print. I buy her DVD’s and CD’s. I love everything about her.

Last night Kathy completed a record breaking five show run at the Orpheum Theatre here in Minneapolis. Five shows! Amazing. And, I went to all five. Yes, that’s right. I think that definitely qualifies me as a “super fan”.

Here is the exciting break down of events!

Friday evening there are two shows back to back. I hauled ass to the theatre right after work and began “Operation Meet and Greet with Kathy Griffin”. I hung out in the parking lot for a few hours. Becca joined me shortly after six pm. Completely and totally unsuccessful. I knew that Kathy wouldn’t leave between shows so I didn’t bother hanging out at the stage door after the first show. My friend and co-worker Amy attended the second show with me. I knew Kathy would bail from the theatre the minute she walked off stage and I was right. So Amy and I left the show a few minutes early to try and catch Kathy as she left the theatre. Again no luck. The only vehicle that left the stage door area was a little Honda with three people in it. We saw the Honda when we came out, it was running and has it’s flashers on but was waiting by a different door at the loading dock. Turns out it was a bait and switch! The three people in the car was none other than one of the theatre’s employees (the driver), Tom (Kathy’s tour manager), and Kathy. DAMN IT.

Saturday was the Alanis Morisette concert. Kathy did a show down in Iowa.

Sunday is show number three. I go back down to the theatre and I stake out a new spot in the parking lot. I am positioned with a clear line of vision for both doors. Not going to run the risk tonight of missing her. It is cold and damp out. As it gets darker it just gets colder. I wait, and wait, and wait. I look over to my right as I’m sitting on this dirty curb and I see a few pairs of underwear. Apparently the Alanis concert must have been quite a night for some people. I wait and wait and wait some more. I feel like Linus sitting out in pumpkin patch waiting for The Great Pumpkin to arrive. I am miserable and cold. Then I see this African American woman walk past me. She gives me the dirtiest look I’ve seen in years. She is wearing old jeans and a red sweatshirt with a red jacket tied around her waist. I would have mistaken her for a homeless woman except she has really expensive looking red framed eyeglasses and her hair is impeccable. I think she might be working with the theatre or something. More waiting followed by even more waiting. All of a sudden a huge black SUV with tinted windows pulls up and Kathy Griffin has arrived. The “homeless” woman runs down the ramp to the stage door in front of the SUV. I run over and I see Kathy Griffin getting out the vehicle and quickly moving into the theatre. Then I see the “homeless” woman video taping Kathy. Kathy waves, I hear her say “hi” and it’s over. Insane. After the show, I go back out the stage door and the SUV is parked there and it’s running. There is one other woman there, waiting with a camera. She comes over to talk to me and I’m trying to shake her because she seems really crazy to me. All of a sudden the stage door opens and Kathy is jumping into the SUV. I’ve never seen anyone more so quick! So the SUV drives past us as it comes up the ramp. The woman next to me starts to pound on the car window and is yelling “KATHY! I LOVE YOU KATHY! “The SUV drives across the parking lot and she is running still screaming, arms flailing, camera flashing. She tries to get in front of the SUV to block them but they end up peeling out of the parking lot out onto Hennepin Avenue and they are gone into the dark of night. C-R-A-Z-Y!

Monday is the fourth sold out show. I have two shows left to meet Kath Griffin. Only two left! The first three have been a total bust. Sure…the nights have been adventurous with the whole lunatic pounding on the car, the nasty looks from the “homeless” woman, and the dirty underwear…but my Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D:List DVD is still unsigned!

Jenn meets me for the show and we are hanging out in the parking lot. I’ve giving her the rundown of the previous nights and we are hatching out plan of attack. As we wait in the parking lot I look across the street and I see Kathy’s SUV parked in the alley between the Chambers Hotel and a parking ramp. I stand there for a second and think…Kathy is staying at the Chamber’s Hotel. Literally across the street from the theatre. Not down the block, or around the corner…but across the street! ACROSS THE STREET! Then I see the driver come around the vehicle and it’s the same guy who drove Kathy the night before. So I quick look up to the penthouse level of the hotel. It’s really easy to see since the hotel is only five stories high and all the lights are on. Then I see a man walking around by the windows. A few minutes later I see a woman with huge hair near the windows. It’s Kathy and Tom! I cannot believe it. We are shocked! This is insane. Then we see Tom upstairs get on the phone and then the driver gets on the phone. They are talking to each other! After they are done the theatre employee who waiting by the stage door gets on his phone and we hear him say “ok, great. I’m waiting at the door. See you in a minute.” It’s almost time! Then we look back across the street and see the driver opening the door of the SUV and a few seconds later the side door of the Hotel opens and out steps Kathy Griffin and Tom and they get in and it drives off. No one has noticed. NO ONE! I am feeling like Angela Lansbury on “Murder She Wrote” only without a crime to solve. I am a genius. I cannot believe I have figured it all out and no one is aware. The theatre is sold out. 2,500 fans and she is literally across the street and everyone is clueless.

So we get the camera ready and I grab the DVD and sharpie marker. I go up to the guy working at the stage door and I tell him that I just have a DVD and camera and that it’s cool. He is fine with it and is actually really nice. I told him that I just wanted to make sure since the crazy woman pounded on the car last night that there won’t be any problems. He then tells me that CJ was there the night before videotaping Kathy as she arrived. The woman that I thought was homeless and crusty is actually CJ, the gossip reporter for the Star Tribune. Whoops!

A few minutes later the SUV pulls up and Jenn and I run down the ramp behind it. As the door opens and Kathy is getting out I say “Kathy will you sign your DVD?” She says sure and takes it and starts to autograph it. Then she asks me if I want to take a picture. Hell yeah! So Jenn takes a picture of Kathy and I and then Kathy asks Jenn if she wants a picture, so I take a picture of them. Then some other woman wants a picture so I take her camera and take the picture. All the while I’m talking non-stop to Kathy. I told her that I’m going to all five shows and that I loved the fact that she changes the material every night. She thanks me for going to all five shows and says that she has to change it up or else she would never get through it. More chit chat follows. It’s all a blur. Then she says and I quote “Well, since you are going to all the shows you better go in. After all I clearly can’t start the show without you.”

How awesome is that?

I didn’t go back to the stage door for the last show. It was cold and rainy and to be honest…my experience with her was great. I didn’t want to be disappointed and have the whole experience be ruined. I got her picture, I got her autograph, and I got to talk to her. I was a happy camper. She was so gracious and kind. She’s won two Emmy’s, is a comedy Icon, and has a hit TV show and she asks me if I want a picture. Unreal.

There it is. My third Kathy Griffin adventure. Each one more memorable than the last. Oh, almost forgot. I was recognized twice by people that have seen me perform. That was nice. They have seen me do stand up comedy and improv around town. It was on two different nights. Always surprises me when that happens. Hopefully I’m doing something right!

Suck it haters!

Be careful what you wish for
'cause you just might get it
You just might get it
You just might get it

(This post was written on October 8th, but just published today.)

Meeting Jewel

Jewel and Me!

Yes, I am wearing a western shirt. I did it for Jewel.

Last Friday Becca and I headed to the Minnesota State Fair to see Jewel perform at the Grand Stand. The very moment I set foot on the fairgrounds I was done. Too many people, too much crap everywhere, too little room to move. The State Fair is over excessive in every sense of the word. Becca loves it. I hate it.

My awesome co-worker Mary arranged for us to get a Meet & Greet Pass to go backstage before the show and meet Jewel. This is my second time meeting her. The first time I met Jewel was a few months ago back at the K102 radio station. She came in to do some promotion for her new CD that was about to be released.

I was sitting at my desk working (well, let’s be honest…I was surfing the net and blogging) when Jewel arrived. She walked off the elevator and Mary introduced us. There is a huge awards case behind my desk. Jewel said that there are a lot of awards. I looked at her and said “Yes, there are. I’m a pretty good receptionist.”. So we talked for a few moments and she went off to a meeting. A little while later I went back to the performance space to watch her perform for the show. It was awesome. She sang a few songs, told some hilarious stories, and gave a great interview. It was a riot. Then she did an autograph signing and took some photos. While in line I was mistaken yet again for being Crisco. Apparently to the entire world Crisco and I could be twins. I don’t see it. But, I think for as long as I work here I will be mistaken for him. Oh well. It’s like we are the overweight male version of the Olson Twins. But, I’m the cute one. So would that make me Mary Kate or Ashley? Hummmm….anyway.

So I get up to Jewel and I have all of her CD’s in my bag. I crack open my bag and Mary looks at me and says, in front of Jewel….

MARY: Jason no! You can’t have her sign all your CD’s.
ME: I know Mary! I just want her to sign her favorite one.
JEWEL: (just looks at me. Wide eyed.)
ME: Hi Jewel. So which CD is your favorite?
JEWEL: Well, I like them all.
ME: (I move “Goodbye Alice In Wonderland” to the top of the pile and hand it to her.) Wow. That’s my favorite one as well.
JEWEL: (laughs) Well, how about every time I come to the station I sign a CD for you.
ME: Yeah…that would be awesome.
JEWEL: It might take us seven years, but we will do it.
ME: I will hold you to it.

Then we take a photo and I grab the CD’s and head back to my desk.

On her way out she passes by my desk and says goodbye and makes a joke about how we are best friends forever. I love my job.

So now standing backstage at the meet and greet I’m trying to think of something to say so she remembers me. There’s maybe twenty of us in line. I’ve got nothing. My wit is failing me big time.

Her management makes an announcement that Jewel has already signed pictures for us and that she won’t be signing anything else because they are running short on time, so it will be pictures only. Damn! I, of course, had all of her CD’s in my bag hoping she would sign one. Oh well, maybe next time. Jewel comes in and everyone smiles and waves. They start cranking through people like crazy. Walk up, pose, snap picture and you are done.

I’m nervous and still trying to think of something to say. Nothing. Ahhhh, my moment is about to slip away.

I walk up to her. Jewel smiles. I smile.

JEWEL: Hi. How are you?
ME: Great. How are you?
JEWEL: Good. Did you bring a CD for me to sign?
ME: Clearly you remember your favorite receptionist ever.
JEWEL: Of course.
ME: They said you’re not signing anything else.
JEWEL: I’ll sign it. Just wait for me over there and I’ll do when I’m done here.
ME: Awesome. So are you going to sing “Thump Thump” tonight.
JEWEL: No, they crowd doesn’t always get into it. It’s hard…
ME: Jewel! It’s my favorite song on the album!
JEWEL: How about the next time I come into the station I’ll sing it for you.
ME: Ok, but you know that I’ll hold you to it.
JEWEL: I have no doubt you will.
*take picture*

Then I grab my stuff and I go over to the side with Becca. Completely surreal. Jewel remembered me!

So she finishes up the meet and greet and I’m talking to Becca. She stops over to where we are standing and I give her the new CD to sign. Then Jewel says….

JEWEL: You should have brought them all. I would have signed them.
ME: Funny you should say that…because I did!
JEWEL: Well, let’s do it.

So I open my bag and grab the rest of the CD’s. Now, it was supposed to rain so I had the CD’s in a giant gallon Ziploc bag. Jewel and her manager are looking at me like I’m a nutcase. I feel stupid. Becca is laughing. So I then say…

ME: It was supposed to rain. I didn’t want you to get wet.
JEWEL: (laughing) Well, thanks. I appreciate it.

I open the CD’s, Jewel signs them, her manager closes them and puts them back in my bag, and Becca is busy taking photos.

Then out of the blue I say…

ME: Becca is thinking of moving to Alaska. (Becca looks at me horrified.)
JEWEL: (looks up and seems confused) Why?
BECCA: My friend lives there and I could teach.
ME: I keep telling her she shouldn’t go.
JEWEL: Where at?
BECCA: (says the name of the place, I don’t remember it to be honest.)
JEWEL: Is that one of the villages?
BECCA: Yes.

Then there is some more discussion about Alaska and the show. I don’t remember exactly what was all said. I’ll have to ask Becca for more details.

Jewel finishes signing the CD’s. My collection is complete. I got some fun photos. And most importantly Jewel did not approve of Becca moving to Alaska. Awesome!

The show is a lot of fun. Jewel is an outstanding talent and if you ever get a chance to see her…go do it!

(This post was from August 2008. Just published today.)